What’s cool in Berlin?

Trains and me have some unresolved issues. That may explain, why on the way to airport on Friday I accidently went to Sweden, and on Wednesday chose a s-bahn to the oposite direction from Schönefeld. For some reason, against all common sense (and signs saying “Airport – that way”), I will always jump in a random train, going to random direction, and wish for the best.

Once in the airport, I did the textbook “catching the flight at the last minute” thing – jumping over spare luggage, cutting in lines, running and dramatically asking people to show me directions. And still missed it. Business as usual.

Sense of zen after missed opportunity always fascinates me – and so does the silence in Schönefeld. No last calls, no “we are waiting for that weirdo who does not know how trains function. At B2”.

Can only hope that Berlin didn’t want to let me out – because sure as hell I didn’t want to go.

My mission this time was to figure what the cool kids do in Berlin, and find a chair on the street.

Finding a chair part was checked out off the list on Tuesday.

Couple of years apart, still got it (the shoes, I should buy new shoes)

2012 and 2014. Couple of years apart, still got it (the shoes, I should buy new shoes)

And figuring “what’s cool” part is still on progress. I may need to move here to be sure. After all, I am actually the type of person who gets shitfaced and misses flights, not the one who discuss dinner over dinner. Summer seems like the right time.

What I know so far about what you got to do to be cool:

Go to Madame Claude and Trickster. Madame Claude has EXPERIMONTAG event series, featuring all kinds of awesome stuff, and Trickster has generally good vibe (and, as we were told, sometimes more than 5 people coming to a gig!). Both approved in a “Coming back next time” chart.

Drink Sternburg Export.  Rumour has it that every bottle tastes different, making it the default choice. Or was it the price?

Visit StaalplaatIt is always dangerous to go to recordshops like this, because it is not only about sounds but visuals as well. And since I enforce “not buying stuff” policy, it is worse than visiting a candy shop. Because candy is not stuff and you can get as much as you want. But spending enough time in Staalplaat proves to be a great idea, because you can read all the graphic novels and comics and I WANT THAT BOOK WE SHOULD GO NOW BEFORE I BOUGHT IT.

Eat all the Halloumis. Berlin for me associates with falafels, but halloumi is the new schawarma, as schawarma was the new falafel, as falafel was the new kebab. If you want to have street cred, you gotta keep up with street food.

See some dicks. Main line of work these days was basically solving all the problems in the world (“if everyone had a gun, nobody would want to fuck with anybody and this is how we achieve world peace”) and discussing the paralels between communication of swans and gay cruising (secret lies in apps). Yet still, as real adults, we had to see some art stuff. Dorothy Iannone exhibition in Berlin gallery, provided plenty of art and pictures just about enough of vaginas. So it seems, if you draw dicks for long enough, you will get to the biggest galleries.

You know what else will get you into a huge art center? Learning German language as an art project – and filming yourself speak German every day for 3 months. Sounds like a great idea? Well yeah, the same idea is used by every other language learner on youtube ever. I guess you have to be an artist to really make a difference.

And do all those other things, but instead of boringly telling you, what exactly, I wrote a song “S45 goes to Ostkreuz” for my upcoming electro punk high-hop compilation “Miss the flight at 7 am”

Yesterday in Berlin
I was let to know one thing:
No matter what you do,
Don’t clap while clubbing
Don’t clap while clubbing

Party Cake is awake,
And he looks baked
Have a plate and for fucks sake,
Don’t clap while clubbing
Don’t clap while clubbing

Metro runs fast, I’m slow enough
I need to find the sound source;
Do what you need, except one thing:
Don’t clap while clubbing
Don’t clap while clubbing

What’s the name of your dog
What’s the name of your child
Summertime broken telephone:
Don’t club while clapping
Don’t clap while clubbing

Street food gives you street cred
It’s tongue aching morning.
Achtung! Before you go to bed
Don’t clap while clubbing
Don’t clap while clubbing

It’s a song heavily inspired by inside jokes,gateway drugs and pizza.

Yup, that’s pretty much it.


One response to “What’s cool in Berlin?

  1. Pingback: Weeks of stuff, venues in outskirts | Circa Buffet·

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